Redemptive Perspective

This week we left Belize and started on our week long journey to the Philippines.  As we boarded a water taxi on Monday morning, I realized something was wrong with my foot.  I had about 10 bug bites that became open sores, and were beginning to show signs of infection.  It was too late to do anything by that time, so I climbed aboard the taxi, hoping that I'd have an opportunity to stop and get some medicine at one of our layovers.  Unfortunately not.

The first couple days were fine, but on the 6th hour of our 14 hour flight to Tokyo, my foot started swelling and became very red due to infection.  I found a gas station once we landed, and bought rubbing alcohol to treat it.  As I was sitting in the lobby of the hostel, a few of the ladies started asking me about my foot and offered some ointment.  I gratefully accepted, but failed to see the opportunity at hand.  I think I mentioned something about being a missionary, but I quickly changed the topic to muffled crying once they applied the ointment.

I woke up disappointed the following morning, because as painful as the ointment was, it didn't do a lot for my foot.  Luckily, we still had another day of traveling from Manila to Cebu, so I decided to lay around sleeping off the jet lag and dodging worries of amputation.  "mission work doesn't start until we reach the Philippines, right?"

I suddenly felt a conviction about my earthly perspective.  "An infected foot is going to stop you from spreading the gospel, Josh?  Do you remember Tom?"

Tom is a guy from my church who loves Jesus, and has a heart for evangelism.  He also has a bad case of diabetes, and lost both legs, an ear, fingers, and experiences weekly appointments at the hospital for check-ups.  Do you know what he does when he goes to the hospital?  He asks the nurses if they have a relationship with Jesus!  That's dedication.  How about Paul?  The guy was hardcore for Christ.  2 Cor 11:16-33 is a section dedicated to him boasting of his suffering.  Philippians 1:12-18 catches him rejoices, because his imprisonment has advanced the gospel.

So, there I was, disappointed about bug bites while the Toms and Pauls of the world lose limbs and freedom to advance the gospel.  Am I a failure as a missionary?

In the end, I realized that I'm not a Paul.  I'm not a Tom.  I'm just another kid, who is blessed to serve a merciful God.  I'm not as faithful or dedicated as those other guys, but my God loves me all the same.  He has made me a son, just the same.  At the same time, I'm also going to reveal my weakness to encourage you.  I blew that opportunity, but God works all things for the good of those that love Him.  Plus, He gives second chances (Peter, Jonah, David, Moses, etc), His mercies are new every morning, and He is redeeming my failure.  He is reminding me that my perspective needs to remain on the fact that I can rejoice in my trials, because they are an opportunity to share the good news.  

P.S.
Praise god that my foot is starting to heal.  We also started working at
www.cebu-mission.org this week, and it's been great!  Please let me know if you have specific questions, or would like to partner with me.

Perspectives

Today we had a time of sharing our testimonies again, and I have to admit that certain testimonies really bore me.  I found myself struggling to pay attention to the lives and stories of my incredible new friends, and I didn't really understand why.  I mean, I love these people, and thoroughly enjoy talking with them about their lives, so why was this morning any different?

I think there could have been a few reasons for it.  For example: some people are just bad at telling stories.  Other times I’m just not in the mood.  But I realized today that it was something else altogether.

Perspective n: view of the relative importance of situations or facts

Perspective.  I can't begin to tell you how much I’ve learned about that word.  Over the past months, I’ve begun to realize that it's one of the most important words in the English language.  One of my heroes said that attitude is everything, and in my experience, perspective has shaped that attitude.  Perspective helps you overcome the horrible situation you are in today.  Perspective helps you let go of control.  Perspective helps you see the beauty in life.

I don't completely grasp the importance of perspective, but I was given a glimpse this morning.  It happened while listening to a testimony that had all the annoyances of a bad story.  I was trying so hard to pay attention, but after about 3 minutes of saying, "I don't really know what to talk about," the leader interrupted and said that testimonies are a time of sharing how God has worked in your life.  She restarted, and explained that she never felt God's presence until just recently.  That's when my thoughts snapped into focus, and I realized that people aren't as concerned about what you did or went through, as they are about how you were redeemed.  I mean, that's what makes any story great: finding yourself at the end of your strength, and being forced to rely on a miracle. And that's what God is all about; redemption. 

I loved realizing that today, because it caused me to reevaluate my perspective.  What do I love about my story?  Do I love presenting myself to the world as a perfect little Christian?  Not really.  It's a lie, and a hard one to maintain for any length of time.  Do I love the attention I get when I do something amazing?  Not really, I can't bear the responsibility of heroism.  Do I love being a success?  No, because sometimes I learn more through my failures.  Instead, I love being able to say that my identity is found in the fact that my Father defeated death to bring me home.  I mean, that's the making of a good story, and I’m excited to share that story with the Philippines.

P.S. We leave for the Philippines tomorrow morning, and will arrive on Friday.  I don't know when I’ll have internet availability, but email me if you would like details on our ministry over there, and I’ll get back to you when I can.  Take care!    

my provider

"All the world is mine, and all that is in it." - God

In his book, Courageous Leadership, Bill Hybels said that we should never forget that God is our chief supporter. I remember reading that statement and nodding in agreement. We all believe that, right? So why do I pack my finest stationary into my luggage when going overseas? Why do I get frustrated when support money doesn't come in like I thought it would? Why do I worry, and look for ways to cast blame? I guess deep down I still believed that my chief supporter is the guy with the Lexus, or the lady with the Prada purse. Shoot, my chief supporter is the person who tells me they will donate this month, whether or not they actually donate. I don’t think God likes that mindset, because He decided to teach me another lesson this week.

On Tuesday night, our leader called us into the lecture room and explained that we needed a combined total of 3500 dollars to finalize our outreach trip. It was sad and frustrating hearing that the support never came, especially when we truly believed that God wanted us there. So there we sat, in the middle of a quiet room, wondering how to solve this situation. It seemed impossible to me, because we don't have jobs, and most of us already emptied our bank accounts. So I decided to ask God a tiny, little question, "Lord, what more can I give?"

It's kind of a selfish question isn't it? I mean, He could have said the same thing to me. There was the time in 7th grade when I got off the hook for shoplifting, the three inch scar I have on my wrist from a work accident my sophomore year in high school, and don't even get me started about college. I have made a mess of my life in a million ways, yet He continues to faithfully protect me. He, the God and creator of the universe, the Holy of Holies who has angels worship at His feet day and night, the bright morning star who knows them all by name, could have easily said, "Father, what more do I have to give for this kid?" But instead He said, "Father, if there is no other way to bring Josh home, I’ll do it myself." He made the roman guards hold His garments while He climbed onto that cross.

So we prayed...oh, did we pray. We asked God to lead the way. We reminded that if He could multiply 5 loaves and 2 fish, He could do it with some money. I mean, $3500 isn't even 8 months worth of wages! About 10 minutes later, people started saying, "I'll donate $100." I have to admit that I was thinking the money would come in from family and friends back home. Missionary kids supporting missionary kids? That doesn't fit my understanding of missions work, but that's who God used. Within 20 minutes, we had the remaining balance at zero. One of the student's was short about $1500, and had hopes in America...God used missionary kids.

It's an incredible testimony, and a vivid reminder who writes my checks. I'm learning that it's easy to get frustrated at people when you think of them as your chief supporters. It's easy to try to please or manipulate when you need them to write you a check, and that nobody wants to be manipulated for money. It's good to have supporters, but great to see people sacrificing in order to get involved in God's work. My work will never save you, but you can get involved by clicking on the "donate" button on the upper right of this blog.

As a conclusion, I want to thank my supporters and express my deepest appreciation for you. Whether you pray for me, send your regards, or donate money; I need the encouragement. Please continue giving me feedback, and let me know how I can pray for you! A special thanks to the couple that donated not only money, but countless time into discipling me.

Do I put God at the kid's table?

A group of us were enjoying a conversation this week, when all of a sudden one of the girls started crying for an unknown reason.  One minute laughter, the next, tears.  We prayed for her, and then someone made the comment that maybe the Holy Spirit is letting her feel something personal.  It was weird, and quickly everything became uncomfortable.  Do you ever feel like that?  Things are going great, and then something comes along and ruins the moment?

I went into my room and began to ask God why He did that; why He came and ruined the moment.  To be honest, I have no idea whether the girl was crying because of some supernatural connection to God, lack of sleep, comment that triggered a past memory, or one of the other thousands of possibilities, but interestingly, my initial thought was to blame Him.  Even more interestingly, He used the opportunity to remind me how much He loves me.

I'm in a mission organization where stories of miracles and supernatural events are common conversation.  One of our speakers told a series of personal and miraculous stories.  Some that saved His life.  We just talked about miracles again this morning.  Many of us have an intense desire to cast out demons in Jesus' name, or pray over the deaf, blind, cripple; hoping that we will be able to participate in miraculous events.  We all want to see the cool working of the Holy Spirit, but what about the uncomfortable workings of the Holy Spirit?  What about the times when you start crying for no apparent reason, or feel an intense prompting to apologize to someone?  What about those times when you know without a shadow of a doubt that God wants you to give to the homeless beggar, forgive your sister, or share your faith with your coworker?  Does the group really want to experience God then?

I know I don't, and God knows that too.  He knows I run around telling people that Christ is Lord, singing "I surrender all" during church worship, and chasing the miracle stories.  But let's examine those statements.  Do I really surrender all?  Do I really make Christ Lord when the times get tough?  Do I really want to experience the power of the Holy Spirit; even when it's uncomfortable?

Sometimes I treat God like the annoying little brother that I keep in the corner until I need to prove to the world that I’m a "good" big brother.  I keep the Creator of the Universe at the "kid's table" until I’m ready to experience some miracles, or ask Him to get me out of a financial bind.  How does that makes Him feel? 

God's feelings.  That's a unique concept.  I realized today that I read the bible for my benefit.  I am looking for insights that will help me understand the world, and learn a cool concept.  But what about God?  What does it mean to read the bible for God's sake?  What does it mean to read the bible so I better understand what my Father is feeling?  When is the last time I asked my Father to tell me about His day?

Now as I said earlier, I have no idea if that girl was crying because of the Holy Spirit, yet I blamed Him.  That might seem like a silly story until we start looking at the millions of people every day that blame God for the death of a loved one.  Or an insurance company calling Hurricane Katrina an "act of God."  Why do we immediately play the blame game with God, and more importantly, how does that make God feel? 

I'm reminded of the story of Job.  He experienced a lot of bad stuff, and started demanding that God give Him reasons.  God steps in and says, "Who are you to question the Maker of the heavens and earth?"  I always took that as a challenge from God, like He was saying, "Come on Job; take your best shot.  Hit me if you can." I'm just throwing an idea out here; maybe that's the whole story.  Maybe God was saying to all of us, "Josh, I created this whole world; you and the rest of your family.  I loved you with a passion like you have never known.  I want to save the lost more than they want to save themselves.  I have the universe in my hand, yet desire to spend more time with my creation than my creation wants to spend with me.  You choose to walk away; loving money and cars more than. You get angry when you don't get your way, use that anger to destroy feelings and relationships, and I have to watch the whole thing because you choose to say, "It’s my life. I do what I want."  I'm willing to die for you.  I, the God of the Universe am willing to die for you.  And you say give ME a reason.  No Josh, you give ME a reason.  Why don't you love me?  Why don't you want to share life with me?  Do you realize how much fun we could have together?  What more do I have to give you?"

What would it feel like to create all the people in the world, die for them, and still have them reject you?  His love amazes me.

Now I want to take a second to apologize to everyone.  I realize that sometimes my messages seem condemning and convicting.  This week was physically exhausting for me, because my mind was constantly wrestling with the unfathomable mysteries of God.  I wrote multiple blogs, because I wanted to "get it right."  So, why do I write these messages that sometimes hurt everyone including myself?  My motives.  Many times my words are pointed because I’m trying to make myself the hero.  Other times it's because I’m tired of being confused and desperately seeking the absolute Truth. On rare occasions (and these are the essentials of ministry) it's because I want to help people see how great my Father is.  I want to say or do something so shocking that maybe one person will stop and say, "Wow, I can't wait to go home to my Father."

So please forgive me for my impure motives, and pray that God continues to transform my heart.  I want to give a special thanks to all the pastors and elders that have faithfully and diligently checked their agendas at the door: the special people at Woodlands who have served God instead of themselves.