Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5

"The prospects are bright as the promises of God."

- Adoniram Judson

Landing in Uganda woke me up to the reality that “we aren’t in Kansas anymore.” The lights went out in the Airport immediately after we grabbed our checked bags. “What did I get myself into," I thought.

I struggled with worry the whole trip; worry that the plane would crash, that I would be ineffective on the trip, that God would stretch me to the point I couldn't bear, etc. It was a combination of being tired, outside my comfort zone, and trying to carry the burden myself.

The next morning my friend Michael gave his testimony, and coincidentally discussed the topic of faith and trust. He discussed how God has a plan to prosper and not to harm; to give me hope and a future. This was a needed reminder, because of the type of trip we were about to experience. That afternoon we took a tour of the city to witnessing the effects of war in the limbless people; the poverty which forces children to walk miles in order to have bacteria ridden water to drink; and countless AID's clinics illustrating the country's top disease. Yet, amazingly, the people have such grateful hearts, and worship like I’ve never seen. I think of Romans 8:18; "yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to he glory He will reveal to us later." I was humbled by their contentment and joy.

That night I went to bed exhausted, only to be woken by a loud crash. It sounded like someone had dropped a bowling ball in the tile hallway; in reality it was a bomb.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalms 23:4

"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose"

— Jim Elliot

Waking up in a 3rd world country makes you uncomfortable. Waking up in a 3rd world country that has just been attacked by a terrorist, makes your internal alarms go off. Our bus driver showed us the local newspaper articles, which were full of graphic photos of the aftermath. I noticed that even though I could see the pain and death surrounding me, I was more scared for my sake, than I was heartbroken for the families of the victims. Thoughts of distrust pierced my mind as we drove to the medical clinic. The days of waving to the locals from the bus were over, as we shut the windows in order to prevent being spotted. "Which ones are terrorists, will they attack us next?" What I notice about fear is that it's hard to love or stay compassionate when you let it cripple you. The only thing you think of is self preservation. One of the songs our group liked to sing had the following verse:

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, your perfect love is casting out fear."

I wish I would have let that sink in.

“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”

—1 Corinthians 2:9

"I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light" — John Keith Falconer

Preparing for my trip was like any trip really; I was excited and nervous to go, but too "manly" to let my excitement or uneasiness shine through. We got to the church around 5 am, and our leader told us that the mission starts the minute we get on our bus. He said our specific "calling" could be for a conversation that happens before we even get to Africa. I began to realize that I was in for an experience that would change my perception on God and the world. I could not have estimated these outcomes.

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. Walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Ephesians 5:1-2

"This generation of Christians is responsible for this generation of souls on the earth!"

— Keith Green

I remember landing in Amsterdam after the first leg of the trip, and meeting in the food court for our devotional time. I was drawn to the message that morning, because Wayne asked the question, "What can we give these people that is greater than hope of salvation?" He went on to explain that we need to be open to the God's leading by knowing who He is and what He wants. His nature correlates with His will, and His will is that we become like Him in nature. But who is He, and how do we get there? This was the long and short of my journey, and something I’m still working on. Wayne later told me that we can't fake our transformation; instead we need to develop a genuine and intimate relationship with our creator. Wayne became my friend very quickly, because he was able to tell me how it is.

With friends like these...

I think it's unique how God places certain people into your life during certain times. I believe these people are to prepare you, and help you realize the call that God is placing on your life. For example: as I prepare for Uganda and YWAM, I have notice that there are a lot of missionaries who appear in my life. Last night was another example.

Background:

I've been wrestling with a lot of things lately, and the primary issue is whether or not God wants me to go onto these mission trips. I feel so greedy at times, because while it seems that everyone else is saving for the future and being grateful for having a job, I can't wait to get rid of mine. I'm so excited to leave, that it seems as though I'm being financially irresponsible. Spending all my savings on a mission trip seems stupid, because what happens if I can't get a job once the trip is over? How will I eat, where will I live? I'm not as worried about while I'm on the mission, because at least I can ask people for money through support. Although, what right will I have in asking someone for money if I'm not a missionary any longer? Not only that; why is it okay for me to ask people for money, but a seminary student is suppose to take out a school loan? Also, in 1 Thessalonians chapter 4, Paul stated that he and the apostles worked day and night so they wouldn't be a burden upon the believers. This shows that sometimes God provides a way through the a normal job, and if so, should I spend more time working and less time asking for money? Oh, I wish there was a book that showed all the different ways that God revealed His will to people, so I could go down a list and see whether God was confirming His will...

So, back to my situation last night. A guy from church called and asked me to help him hang some drywall last night. When I got there, we started talking about his plans to go on a 6 month language training mission trip, followed by a two year stint in Ecuador. I was completely shocked. I had no idea that this man was thinking about missions, yet here I was, listening to his story. He started explaining where he was going, why he was going, and how excited he was. I actually didn't think a whole lot about the coincidence, because I was too busy contemplating whether it would be okay to give him a support letter. I realized that he probably wouldn't have the ability to give me money, because he was was preparing for his own trip, but I still wanted to share my story with him. (For whatever reason, I want to share my life experience in hopes that it will help others learn from my mistakes and successes. Maybe it's an arrogant thing. IDK, but I digress.)

We spent the next couple hours hanging the drywall, and at the end of the night, I pushed past the awkwardness, and gave the guy my letter. I said, "I just want to give you my story, and share what God is doing in my life." All of a sudden his wife walks into the room and starts asking me about the trip and where I will be going. I started to explain, and the guy's fire alarm went off, and he ran out the door. I was about to leave, but his wife kept talking about missions and our various trips. She repeated the whole story about where and why they were going, but then she did something really helpful for me; she told me how she knew God was confirming it. She explained that she felt a strong pull to go at first, but then her and her husband kept running into people that were from the small village in Ecuador that they were going to. Her husband also had an experience of various Latinos trying to speak to him in Spanish. Over and over again, it was another story of how God brought so and so into their lives to confirm the trip.

That was an incredible experience for me; I went over to a friend's house thinking that I am going to help them, but in turn, God use those friends to help me! I realized that lately I've been meeting so many different missionaries, and have developed an instant bond with everyone that I met. I had realized that I was meeting a lot of missionaries, but I never realized that God might be using them to prepare my way. I will admit in fact, that I was disheartened when I realized how many missionaries I knew. With so many missionaries, I can't expect my friends from church to support me over them. I mean, these other missionaries have work which seems much more important than mine. Theirs is definitely more sacrificial than going scuba diving in Belize for three months! After talking with that lady last night though, I realize that it's not a competition between missionaries. God didn't place these other missionaries in my life in order to make my fundraising more difficult, but to confirm my call. I needed that conversation last night, more than I needed any money. I needed to know that God uses my family to support me, not to deter me. I really need to trust God's love, because Satan will use all sorts of lies to stop me from going.