Wednesday, October 27, 2010

desperation

There are many days when I worry about my security in Christ.  I worry that one day I will walk away from Him, like I’ve done so many other times, and somehow forfeit paradise.  I think the reason I worry about my security, is because I’ve forgotten that I deserve hell.

About 5 years ago, I met Jesus and fell to my knees.  At that time, I was the God of my life, and bowed to no one.  But His Holiness, His conviction and His power revealed my weakness and sin.  I told him that He deserved my service whether I ended up in heaven or hell

The next few months were full of growth, because I realized that although I deserved Hell, He chose to rescue me from it.  I loved and respected Him.  Slowly, the temptations in life led to one compromise after another, and here I sit: contemplating whether or not He loves me enough to save me from destruction.

It's not just my security that I wrestle with; it's the lust, pride, selfishness, envy and jealousy that plague me every day.  I can't go one day without comparing myself to another, putting others down so I can feel superior, and loving the praise of men over the praise of God.  How did I get here?  Why can't I get back to 5 years ago? 

Today our speaker admitted the deal she made with God, "Lord, I’ll serve you as long as you protect my kids."  One day her child was kidnapped by older boy who wanted to rape and kill her.  After an afternoon full of prayer and searching, she found her daughter safely returned.  That night the speaker heard the lord say, "Brenda, I rescued your daughter, but is that where our relationship ends?" 

In an act of vulnerability, the speaker told us that she would love to say, "Lord, I’ll never deny you," but realizes that the compromises of life are very seductive.

Why do we allow these compromises to affect us?  Why do I repeatedly deny Christ through my choices?  Why does Brenda have stipulations for her relationship with God?  I think it’s because we forget that we deserve Hell.  We think the chief end in life is to find our satisfaction and happiness.  That God is our servant waiting on our needs for a bigger bank account, ministry and ego.  But in reality, the chief end in life is to bring God joy.

Granted, we are His treasured possession, whom He wants to give a future full of hope, but like all good Fathers, He wants me to love Him more than any of His gifts, and I can only do that if I face reality: HE DESERVES MY LOVE.  HE DESERVES MY LIFE

He deserves these things, because I deserve Hell.  I deserve Hell, because I rejected Him for the Church of Josh.  Fortunately, He chose to rescue me.  How can I question whether God loves me enough to rescue me from myself, when I remember that while I was still His enemy, He chose to trade His life for mine.  A life that deserves worship, for a life that deserves Hell.  How amazing is that grace.




Do you want to know what God thinks about you?  Read these verses:

You may not know me, but I know everything about you (psalm 139:1)
I know when you sit down and when you rise up (psalm 139:2)
I am familiar with all your ways (psalm 139:3)
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered (Matthew 10:29-31)
For you were made in my image (gen 1:27)
In me you live and move and have your being (acts 17:26)
For you are my offspring (acts 17:28)
I knew you even before you were conceived (jer 1:4-5)
I chose you when I planned creation (eph 1:11-12)
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book (psalm 139:15-16)
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live (acts 17:26)
You are fearfully and wonderfully made (psalm 139:14)
I knit you together in your mother's womb (psalm 139:13)
And brought you forth on the day you were born (psalm 71:6)
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me (1 jn 8:41-44)
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love (1 jn 4:16)
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you (1jn 3:1)
Simply because you are my child and I am your father (1 jn 3:1)
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could (Matthew 7:11)
For I am the perfect father (matt 6:31-33)
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand (James 1:17)
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs (matt 6:31-33)
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope (jer 29:11)
Because I love you with an everlasting love (jer 31:3)
My thoughts towards you are countless as the sand on the seashore (psalm 139:17-18)
And I rejoice over you with singing (zeph 3:17)
I will never stop doing good to you (jer 32:40)
For you are my treasured possession (ex 19:5)
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul (jer 32:41)
And I want to show you great and marvelous things (jer 33:3)
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me (deut 4:29)
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart (psalm 37:4)
For it is I who give you those desires (phil 2:13)
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine (eph 3:20)
For I am your greatest encourager (2 thess 2:16-17)
I am also the father who comforts you in all your troubles (2 cor 1:3-4)
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you (psalm 34:18)
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart (Isa 40:11)
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes (rev 21:3-4)
And I’ll love you even as I love my son, Jesus (jn 17:26)
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed (jn 17:26)
He is the exact representation of my being (heb 1:3)
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you (rom 8:31)
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins (2 cor 5:18-19)
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled (2 cor 5:18-19)
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you (1jn 4:10)
I gave up everything that I might gain your love (rom 8:31-32)
Nothing will ever separate you from my love again (romans 8:38-39)

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