Do I put God at the kid's table?

A group of us were enjoying a conversation this week, when all of a sudden one of the girls started crying for an unknown reason.  One minute laughter, the next, tears.  We prayed for her, and then someone made the comment that maybe the Holy Spirit is letting her feel something personal.  It was weird, and quickly everything became uncomfortable.  Do you ever feel like that?  Things are going great, and then something comes along and ruins the moment?

I went into my room and began to ask God why He did that; why He came and ruined the moment.  To be honest, I have no idea whether the girl was crying because of some supernatural connection to God, lack of sleep, comment that triggered a past memory, or one of the other thousands of possibilities, but interestingly, my initial thought was to blame Him.  Even more interestingly, He used the opportunity to remind me how much He loves me.

I'm in a mission organization where stories of miracles and supernatural events are common conversation.  One of our speakers told a series of personal and miraculous stories.  Some that saved His life.  We just talked about miracles again this morning.  Many of us have an intense desire to cast out demons in Jesus' name, or pray over the deaf, blind, cripple; hoping that we will be able to participate in miraculous events.  We all want to see the cool working of the Holy Spirit, but what about the uncomfortable workings of the Holy Spirit?  What about the times when you start crying for no apparent reason, or feel an intense prompting to apologize to someone?  What about those times when you know without a shadow of a doubt that God wants you to give to the homeless beggar, forgive your sister, or share your faith with your coworker?  Does the group really want to experience God then?

I know I don't, and God knows that too.  He knows I run around telling people that Christ is Lord, singing "I surrender all" during church worship, and chasing the miracle stories.  But let's examine those statements.  Do I really surrender all?  Do I really make Christ Lord when the times get tough?  Do I really want to experience the power of the Holy Spirit; even when it's uncomfortable?

Sometimes I treat God like the annoying little brother that I keep in the corner until I need to prove to the world that I’m a "good" big brother.  I keep the Creator of the Universe at the "kid's table" until I’m ready to experience some miracles, or ask Him to get me out of a financial bind.  How does that makes Him feel? 

God's feelings.  That's a unique concept.  I realized today that I read the bible for my benefit.  I am looking for insights that will help me understand the world, and learn a cool concept.  But what about God?  What does it mean to read the bible for God's sake?  What does it mean to read the bible so I better understand what my Father is feeling?  When is the last time I asked my Father to tell me about His day?

Now as I said earlier, I have no idea if that girl was crying because of the Holy Spirit, yet I blamed Him.  That might seem like a silly story until we start looking at the millions of people every day that blame God for the death of a loved one.  Or an insurance company calling Hurricane Katrina an "act of God."  Why do we immediately play the blame game with God, and more importantly, how does that make God feel? 

I'm reminded of the story of Job.  He experienced a lot of bad stuff, and started demanding that God give Him reasons.  God steps in and says, "Who are you to question the Maker of the heavens and earth?"  I always took that as a challenge from God, like He was saying, "Come on Job; take your best shot.  Hit me if you can." I'm just throwing an idea out here; maybe that's the whole story.  Maybe God was saying to all of us, "Josh, I created this whole world; you and the rest of your family.  I loved you with a passion like you have never known.  I want to save the lost more than they want to save themselves.  I have the universe in my hand, yet desire to spend more time with my creation than my creation wants to spend with me.  You choose to walk away; loving money and cars more than. You get angry when you don't get your way, use that anger to destroy feelings and relationships, and I have to watch the whole thing because you choose to say, "It’s my life. I do what I want."  I'm willing to die for you.  I, the God of the Universe am willing to die for you.  And you say give ME a reason.  No Josh, you give ME a reason.  Why don't you love me?  Why don't you want to share life with me?  Do you realize how much fun we could have together?  What more do I have to give you?"

What would it feel like to create all the people in the world, die for them, and still have them reject you?  His love amazes me.

Now I want to take a second to apologize to everyone.  I realize that sometimes my messages seem condemning and convicting.  This week was physically exhausting for me, because my mind was constantly wrestling with the unfathomable mysteries of God.  I wrote multiple blogs, because I wanted to "get it right."  So, why do I write these messages that sometimes hurt everyone including myself?  My motives.  Many times my words are pointed because I’m trying to make myself the hero.  Other times it's because I’m tired of being confused and desperately seeking the absolute Truth. On rare occasions (and these are the essentials of ministry) it's because I want to help people see how great my Father is.  I want to say or do something so shocking that maybe one person will stop and say, "Wow, I can't wait to go home to my Father."

So please forgive me for my impure motives, and pray that God continues to transform my heart.  I want to give a special thanks to all the pastors and elders that have faithfully and diligently checked their agendas at the door: the special people at Woodlands who have served God instead of themselves.