Anyways, i said that i'm a bit frustrated with the current territory that i've been given to manage. There are many unique variables that create an aura of... impossibility. I told my boss that i look around the office and i see other people doing well because their territories aren't as devestatingly messed up. Then i created a list of reasons why I shouldn't be paid in comparision to my coworkers (there are between 8-12 good reasons). I don't know what good will come about my whining, but it was the appropriate time to admit my frustrations.
I went home that night and slept well, realizing that sometimes i just need to admit my weaknesses and hope that i will be given help. It was liberating to express my setbacks to someone that could actually do something about it. In fact, that whole week was draining. I was carrying around weight that left me exhausted by mid afternoon. My boss even noticed that i looked beaten down. That was last friday.
Today is wednesday, and i'm still struggling with this feeling of frustration. I thought i would recover by venting, but i guess not. i'm still leaving work exhausted and torn down. I've started to realize why i'm so tired; it's because i am worried about paying off my school loans by the end of the year (i make commission, so it's possible to do that). I feel like i would be able to give so much more to charities or whatever if i didn't have that burden weighing over my head. Part of the reason i am in such a hurry to pay off debt is because i'm reading about called "money, possessions and eternity" by randy alcorn. It's a great book, and i highly recommend it to anyone who is curious about the eternal things (heaven/hell).
Well, tonight was a good chapter. Alcorn talked about how we are not compared by other people's standards in the next life. It will not matter whether i donated 2 million dollars to charities or if i gave 50 dollars. What matters is that i gave 100% of whatever i had available to give. That made me think a bit...
Here i am, whining and complaining about the "poor" situation i'm in at work. How I work "super hard" to accomplish the tasks at hand, yet i'm not appropriately rewarded. I bet we can all related to that feeling. We all know that kid that works half as hard, half as long, and half as honestly; yet leaves work with a huge smile and more money in their pocket. Or do we?...
Take a step back, do you really work twice as hard as, honest as or long as some other kid? Personally, i think i would cringe to look at a video recording of my day. I know i talk to coworkers, i know i putz around between calls, i know i take lots of bathroom breaks (what???i have an overactive bladder, so sue me). How much time does that equate to? How much money is lost on my selfishness? How many people are much more dedicated to their position, yet i just squeek by; graced with a silver spooned tongue? It's straight up rediculous, the way i (and probably other people) have such an unfair look at our lives, and yet think everyone else is to blame.
For me, i have to realize that i'm required to give my all, and to realize that some battles are going to be lost. I can get my phone time up, i can have less chatter between calls, i can focus more intently on my job. There are a lot of things i can honestly, and realistically do to improve my current situation. Whining to the boss is not one of them. Ok, i have a confession to make. I realize that sometimes we do work much harder, longer and more honestly than our neighbor and still get screwed over in the deal. That's the reality of life i guess. I'm blessed because i realize that this life isn't necessarily going to be fair. I might not get all the credit that's due me. I might live with school debt all my life. The next life will be a time for me to be given what's due. I am positioning and investing my time and money into an eternal bank account, and the bank president is 100% fair and honest, 100% of the time. Everything i do, will come to judgement (both good and bad). This means that all the good stuff i do now, will give me an increased blessing in Heaven. Here is the best part...it doesn't matter to what level i give. I would be rewarded greater for giving 2 dollars if it was my all, than someone else would be rewarded 1 million dollars if they were a billionaire! God judges fairly, and He bases His judgement on what we do with what we are given. There is no partiality for the rich folks.
This means that i can still have the same reward in Heaven whether i am completely out of debt and give 1 million a year, or if i have school debts and can only donate 1000 a year. As long as i serve with all my heart.
Anyways, I'm glad i realized how unfair i was being towards my situation. How prideful i was to assume that my boss owes me something more. Praise God for being patient and imparting His truth on me. Now i guess comes the hard part...giving my 100%
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