contentment

6 months ago i bought a tv. it's a pretty nice tv. I loved that tv. i spent days in front of that tv. i spent twenty minutes deciding that i needed that tv. i had everything i wanted...

A few months ago i began loathing that tv. i dreaded the minute i would sit down in front of that tv. i felt trapped behind that tv. i am selling that tv. (well, i have a verbal sale, so hold off on the offers)

If i look back, i can see what happened. I started feeling like somehting was missing in life, so i thought a new tv would fix it. i was discontent about something, and instead of allowing myself to be uncomfortable, i quickly purchased something that quickly filled the void. Once i had the tv, i started feeling guilty sitting behind it. i would always watch tv and movies, when i very well could be doing something much better with my time. How weird is that? To bounce from loving something to hating it in the matter of months. What is going on to create a discontentment so large that it has a $1000 swing?

To be honest, i've been hearing alot about contentment lately, and it's something i struggle with a lot. First i felt the stress of work tearing me apart, then on sunday my pastor talked about it, and finally i had people talking about how they are unhappy with their current situation. I had so many kids my age ranting about things ranging from wanting to get married, to wanting singleness; from wanting my job, to me wanting their job; from wanting a new car, to wanting a new bike; from wanting to be alone, to wanting constant attention. i mean, i think the 20's are full of people that don't really know what we want, and are discontent with our discontentment. I mean, when does it all work itself out for people?

Also, at what age does discontentment cease to be an issue? The majority of the people that I heard complaining where in their 20s, and one guy in his 30's said that he doesn't deal with that issue anymore; he just came to terms with his life. I believed that discontentment was only a "youth" thing, until i was around some guys in their late 30's and 40's tonight, who were complaining about their current marriage situations. I've never been in that situation, but it was like they were telling us not to get married, and that we probably don't know what we are getting ourselves into. It was not a very hopeful topic.

So, i guess i'm still struggling with this issue of discontentment, and what it really means. When does wanting a new job move from being a "grass is always greener" issue to a "it would be wise if you got out of that situation" issue? Why is it wrong to live without contentment? What are the consequences?

Our pastor on Sunday said something that really struck my heart. He said it was a sin to be with out content. Yikes!!! i knew Pastor was right, it made sense in my heart, but not in my head. So i started looking into my heart. i realized that part of the reason that it's a sin is because i am telling God that He doesn't know what's best for me. I'm telling God that even though i appreciate the forgiveness of my sins through the cross, it's not good enough for me. I want more; (or to be even more brazen) i deserve more. Taking an honest look at that statement startles me. Not only that, but discontentment leads to wickedness. One of the references that pastor used was from Luke 3:13-14, in which Jesus told the soldiers of the day to be content with their pay and refuse bribes and extortion. I mean think about that. Using people as a means to an end. Look at sex slavery, and how disgusting that is. The owners are not content with making an honest wage if it means that they will have to forego the fancy car. How disgusting is that practice, yet i think deep down a lack of contentment will lead people to the practice of using people as a means to an end.

Obviously, i don't think that everyone who lives without contentment will buy and sell women on the blackmarket, but how many times have you cheated someone because you weren't content with 2nd place? How many times have you lied or stole to get your way, because you weren't content with what you got? I know i do it all the time. i struggle with that lack of putting others ahead of myself. I guess when i look at what the end result of discontentment is, i really don't like it. I really don't want to be the person who got ahead in life by using other people, or stepping on them. i want to be the person that treated everyone as a person, whether I get rich or poor in the deal.

That leaves me with more questions like the ones above though. I want to be content, but how do i get it? are there times when i should push forward to remove teh discomfort i feel with my lack of contentment? Is it ok to be content with being discontent, or must you find discontent with discontent? I don't know...