I went for a walk with a friend one day, and while we were talking about our girlfriends, he said, "you know Josh, giving a woman a ring these days is like telling her you want to break up." I laughed, but realized he was pointing out a discouraging and widely held belief in our culture; divorce rates are at an all-time high. In fact, many people say that over 50% of all marriages in America will end in divorce, which is really discouraging considering that I'm getting married in 2 months.
I honestly don't know whether that statistic is true, but I find it hard to believe that anyone makes a commitment before their family and friends, and then breaks it on a whim. In fact, I think the couple's hope is stolen by difficult circumstances which cause suffering. Suffering?! Is marriage worth suffering?
I decided that the best way to answer that question was to ask an older man who has stayed loyal through a very tough situation.
Jerry's wife has battled with depression for most of their marriage, and now she has acquired Alzheimer's in her old age. I consider this man to be my mentor because he has been a constant encouragement and example of faithfulness. As I was reading through the book of romans, I came to the romans 5:3 where Paul urges us to rejoice in the midst suffering. Although I knew it was possible to find contentment while suffering, I began to wondered whether it was possible to actually rejoice in it. I think of contentment as saying, "I can deal with this, because I know I will survive." Rejoicing on the other hand, is thanking God during the hardship in your life. How is it possible to be thankful during pain and suffering? I thought my mentor could shine some light on the subject.
The next time I saw Jerry, I said to him, "Jerry, I understand that you can find contentment in the midst of trials and suffering, but is it possible to be joyful during those sufferings? Is it possible for you to thank God for allowing your wife's disease to place hardship upon you?" I was amazed at how quickly he responded. "Oh, absolutely Josh. Yes, you can definitely be joyful." He then went on to explain two reasons why it's possible to give thanks even while suffering. The first is that suffering produces a stronger character, which has many benefits on it's own.
In Romans 5:4-5 Paul says that tribulation (suffering) brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope. What does it mean to have a proven character? I think it means we become like Jesus by following the Spirit of God. I say that, because James 1:2-4 mentions that trials (tribulation/suffering) bring about maturity, and Jesus was the greatest example of spiritual maturity. I also know that Romans 8 explains that the children of God are led by the Holy Spirit to become like Jesus. So what's the result of being led by the Holy Spirit to become like Jesus?
Well, the leading of the Spirit brings life and peace, and Galations 5 lists the "fruits of the Spirit" which are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.
In essence, Jerry was telling me that his hardships helped him experience greater measures of love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. He was also stating that God is powerful enough to bring good from a bad situation as promised in Romans 8:28 "God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to his purpose."
The other reason why Jerry said he found joy in the midst of his suffering is because he knew it was temporary. Again, this goes back to Romans 5. In Romans 5, Paul says that suffering eventually produces hope, and this is a hope for eternal life with God. One day we will all die, but those who put their hope in Jesus (even when it requires suffering and persecution) will live with God for eternity. Our temporary sufferings will nothing compared to that eternity of peace, love and joy.
So, that brings me back to my initial question: is marriage worth suffering? Who am I to answer that question; I've never been married. But what I do know is this: if there is suffering involved, so be it. God said that if suffering comes, He will bring His children through it with a stronger character and a hope for the future. How great is that?!
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