unbelizable

God is in the business of relationship.  He uses them to face fears, find freedom, feel love.  At least, that's what has been happening here.



I met my roommate on the first day and he was a belizian who wanted to live life to the fullest.  "no fears man," was his motto, and i quickly realized that he meant it.  There were actually two belizians, and they have both helped me feel safe while outside my comfort zone.  This was very important, because I quickly discovered that i feel uncomfortable in the ocean.  There are so many dangers, and thanks to hollywood, i am very familiar with all of them.  I hear the theme song for Jaws whenever i am unable to see my feet in the water, and swimming out to the reef brought that out again.  Gratefully, both the Belizians took me under their wing and encouraged me to explore the secrets of the sea.  On my first day i saw a deadly fish, captured a starfish, and went spear fishing.  But with all those accomplishments, i still felt as though something was holding me back...

The next few days were very similar. On thursday we had a night of sharing our testimonies, and i was so encouraged by the other people.  I was in a room full of Christians who struggled just like i did.  Regardless of the faith of their parents, they were all broken.  Childhood is a battle, and we all leave with scars.  Whether it's addictions, abuse, or wishing we had a "great story" to tell; everyone feels a bit unsatisfied.  Amazingly, I think we found some of that satisfaction on friday.  

Friday started just like every morning, until one of the ladies stood up and confessed how she was hurt by guys growing up.  She was sobbing through the entire testimony, and really broke down some walls in the room.  Except for me that is.  I started to feel uncomfortable and lacked compassion because i was focusing on my own feelings.  The base director asked if anyone else had to share, and then read a bible verse that sliced my heart to the core.  I was terrified, not just because i had to confess my secrets to strangers, but because my secret involved a past that hurt girls like her.  I was that boy growing up.  i was the guy who was so concerned about his feelings, that he was willing to hurt girls.  I had no idea why God would call me to share this in a room full of girls, but He knew what was best.  I immediately broke down and was rescued by all of these strangers.  Encouragement and love was poured upon me.  Hearing people tell me that they accept me regardless of my mistakes, helped me accept the forgiveness that God was trying to give me.

Not only that, but I began to feel compassion like i have never felt before.  The next three hours consisted of people confessing their secrets outloud, and my heart broke with every word.  I don't konw if i've ever cried more in my life.  Ladies talked about how they were hurt by guys, and guys shared their struggles with controlling lust and aggression.  I realized that so many people have struggled with the same things, and want someone to say "you are not alone."  Transparency and forgiveness are essential to community, and community is one of the greatest gits that God gave us.  It breaks my heart that so many people experience life apart from that because they fear they will be rejected.  There is someone who will never reject you....ever.