When I got back to the states this January, I felt that God wanted me to spend my time volunteering instead of looking for a job. It might sound weird, but I believed that I was going to meet a stranger who would offer me a job. So I waited, and I waited, and I waited...
I spent most of my time reading the bible, praying, and explaining how my relationship with God changed through my journey. I was free to do whatever I wanted, but eventually I became depressed because I lacked a purpose in life. So I updated my resume, posted it on the internet, and within a few days I got a call!
“This is it,” I thought to myself, “God is providing me a job through Career Builder.”
As I drove to the interview, I started thinking of ways to use this job as a vehicle for ministry. I had a few ideas, but I still believed that God was telling me to wait. So I told the company that I was no longer interested in the job, and continued to wait for other opportunities. As I watched my bank account dwindle, I felt fear begin to cripple me.
“Maybe I misunderstood God.” I wondered, “Maybe this what Jesus meant when He said you shouldn't put the Lord to the test.”
Confusion and anxiety quickly became my close companions, and I found myself spending more time searching for jobs. I asked my mentors for advice, explaining that I felt lazy for “job-waiting” but felt unfaithful by “job searching.” They suggested that I send out resumes, reminding me that an offer doesn't have to be accepted. I liked that advice, so began the process of emailing resumes.
Over the course of a few weeks, I sent out 50 or so resumes. I had a few interviews, but nothing really connected. I didn't make a huge attempt in following up with the others (because I still believed that God would provide), but I was shocked at the lack of response. “With these credentials and connections, why can't I at least get a part-time job,” I asked myself one morning.
I think my lack of tenacity was partly to blame, but who could blame me; I was loving life! Sure, I began my journey with depression caused by a lack of purpose, but God helped me realize that my purpose was to hang out with Him. Then I battled anxiety and worry (“what if I starve to death?”), but God reminded me that He will sustain me if I seek His kingdom first. Finally, I started questioning my ability to secure a job through my accomplishments and connections, but God...wait...God didn't remove that one.
God showed me that morning that it didn't matter how many gold stars I have on my resume, or how many people are in my network; I will accomplish nothing apart from Him.
“I am the vine, you are the branch. If you remain in my, and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.” John 15:5
John 15:5 is a great verse, but unfortunately, I fail to believe that success is attained only through Him. In fact, success is defined as a relationship with Him. Maybe that's what He wanted to teach me through this time.
I don't know all the answers, but I find it interesting that a stranger asked me if I would like to work at the church that very afternoon. I had been volunteering there, and he was in charge of building and grounds. I had an interview for a part-time position, and am waiting for God to move again. It's a pretty amazing story, and I'm grateful for this experience. God did the impossible, and all I had to do was obey (which I did a poor job doing. Luckily He is faithful even when I'm not!)
I would love to hear your "against all hope" story. Add a comment below:
I would love to hear your "against all hope" story. Add a comment below:
